I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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