please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
