I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
