Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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