If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
