WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
