seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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