She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
