Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
