guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
