Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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