It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
