We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
