Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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