I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
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this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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