Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
