bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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