Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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