Sponge bath it is.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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