He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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