so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
