Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
