Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
