Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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