i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize