I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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