Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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