my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Less talking, more tequila
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize