Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
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I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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