So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
