I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
