did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
