Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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