I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
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He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
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there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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