Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
