Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
