She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
