Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize