i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
