Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
