I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
