We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
