I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
