i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
