apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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