happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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