i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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