I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
