I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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