dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
