haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
