He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
