Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish I only lived at night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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