you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize