i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
