Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There r osticjed everywhere
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
