I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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