dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
