The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
